!!! And the two shall become one flesh !!!
!!! And the two shall become one flesh !!!
These well known words were pronounced for the first time by God at the Garden of Eden about Adam and Eve, after joining and blessing them as the first couple in human history.
We want to understand that it was in the Will and the Mind of God that the divine blessing pronounced by God over our two first parents, when He joined them together in the Garden, introduced the sacred institution of marriage between a man and a woman which is known in the entire world, in spite of any cultural or religious differences.
We also understand that in the Will and Mind of God, those persons joined were no longer two, but they became one. "For this reason," said Jesus, "a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So then, they are no longer two but one flesh." (Matt.19 : 5,6).
"For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, ... "(Eph. 5 : 29). This verse brings us to another dimension of the subject. In fact, a well-minded person will never hate his own flesh neither hurt himself willingly.
We come to think that God compares the relationship between husband and wife and their concern for each other in the marital life, to the way we behave toward our own self; never harming it, but nourishing and cherishing it. That brings us back to Gen. 4:9 , about Cain and his brother Abel, when the voice of the Lord came to Cain, "Where is Abel your brother?" He said, "I do not know. Am I my brother's keeper?"
So, when God, about the couple, said "...becoming one flesh", He meant something even more significant than physical, more than loving, caring, protecting each other; two really becoming in all areas of life only one. But, how can two distinct and different persons become one? If, at least, their "will" has been submitted to the "Will" of the One who created man and woman, who declared "And both shall become one flesh."
But what about it now?
According to statistics, 50% of the totality of marriages recorded in North America in 2008 end in divorce. All kinds of reasons are given to explain that; we are not going to indulge in them now. But considering that God is still the One who laid the foundation of the marital institution, we want to believe that a marriage according to the Mind and the Will of God must and will stay strong and blessed in spite of any circumstance of life.
God never considered us as robots or pre-programmed beings. We are equipped to think, accept, deny, decide, choose, or even take position against Him; for example, Adam was able, by himself, to name all of the living animals of the creation that still exist now. "... ... And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name".(Gen. 2:19).
However God would always like that we obey Him, walk with Him, do what He commands us to do. For failing to obey God brings disaster. That is why we should know that it is God who gives a good wife or a good husband; then it is in our advantage that we ask Him before thinking about marriage.
The question that comes now is: Do we choose our partner or does God choose for us?
Many people get married, they were in love or thought they were in love with each other, then suddenly they find themselves surprised by not recognizing each other any more; it's like they became other persons or strangers to one another.
What is happening?
More than one aspect should be considered here: We are all different. From different kinds of families; background , education, values, character; obviously, the way to see things will be different, tastes will be different.
With all that, two persons that are willing to live together naturally have between them much more differences than what they have in common.
And very often, a man and a woman just meet, and they feel that they love one another so much that they think they are ready to get married. And soon they get married... . You ask one of them: why choose him or her and no one else? The answer will be: I don't know, I think maybe I love him or her.
Someone said this recently while he was talking of himself on television about his regrettable marital experiences :" You ask a girl to follow you, when you don't know where you are going; you don't know who you are, what you like; don't talk about how to really please a girl". Evidently, they got married; you can imagine the result easily..., divorced.
How can we become one flesh when naturally we are so different? How can we become one flesh when we don't know the meaning of that? How can we become one flesh when I do not stop being myself? How can we become one flesh when I do not want to obey God who requests that? How can we obey God, submitting our will under His Will when we do not know Him?
Living a respectful and honest marital life where the husband loves his wife, and the wife respects her husband, and both do all in their power to maintain joyfully strong the sacred marital bond, is not something just to please one another; it is obeying God's command, whether they are believers or not.
Many choose their partner for marriage. Their choices are based on feeling or other personal criteria. When those choices have been tested by the toughness of life's circumstances, they fail.
Time is difficult. Life becomes more stressful than before; because of that, much more is required from each individual into the relationship: spirit of comprehension, more patience, long suffering, love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
These characteristics are so important for the success of the marriage; but unfortunately, it is impossible for a human being to possess them by himself, for all together, they are the fruit of the Spirit of God. No human can produce them, unless he or she is led by the Spirit of God. (Ga.5:22).
The Bible says: the man who does not know God can not understand things of the Spirit. In fact God is Spirit.(John 4:24). "But the natural man (not renewed by God) does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one". (1 Cor.2:14,15).
There are two types of marriages, or two types of persons involved in marital bond:
1) Those who know the Lord, the Creator of the universe, and live in close relationship with Him, obey Him, try to please Him in all things.
2) Those who don't know God or pretend to know Him for being in church or belonging to a religious movement or religious group, but not having any close and genuine relationship with Him, not willing to obey Him in all things.
Both of them are called to become one flesh under the marital bond, according to the Will of God, and that is what they are.
But the difference is this:
The first couple will not live to please itself at first hand, but to please God; their personal interest in one another will not be in first position.
Then it will be easy for them to live as only one flesh; each one is dying in his own flesh. The man seeks always to satisfy his wife, to cherish her, and she is pleased to do the same toward her husband; and both's desires are to please God always in all aspects of their marital life.
Because of that, God blesses their marriage and multiplies it; He will face the troubles and difficulties of life in their place, and they overcome everywhere. Their household is established and flourished all the days of their life. They will stay together joyfully one flesh, and love one another until the end.
However, the second type of couple has to struggle a lot to survive for many reasons: they have to overcome by their own strength and abilities their differences, their personalities, their ego, their opposite interests, different goals sometimes.
Because God, the author of marriage, is absent in their life, there is sometimes difficulty to have a meeting point and their marriage becomes like a boat on the ocean without a captain. They face situations by themselves, struggling, fighting, to finally discover that they are not equipped to overcome; for only God enables us, in a difficult time like this, to face situations successfully.
In fact, in God only can we learn accurately to know ourselves, what we can do, how to really love someone, how to give without thinking to receive. It is only in God you can die in self and see the interest of the other before your own interest, which are so important for both spouses in the process of becoming one flesh.
We can easily understand why very soon or years after, motivations for many couples who don't know God are so decreased that they consider not knowing each other any more; and here will come frustration, distance, hatred, unforgiveness ..., separation and unfortunately divorce.
Before thinking of marriage, it is good to know yourself, what you like, what you do not like, and why? To be able to know why you would like to share your life with that person specifically, and what kind of future you expect for your marriage, and what are the means you have to sustain that? How are you equipped and willing to forget your own self to each other, to become one flesh and live so; nourishing, cherishing, protecting, forgiving, supporting each other? For this is the Will of God to those who decide to get married.
Finally, the successful key for a long and happy marital life is to know God, the author of the sacred institution of marriage; to respect or fear Him and live in obedience to Him, in obedience to His precious Word: committing to cherish and nourish your spouse, pray continually together as husband and wife, and interceding one for the other sincerely.
Then you will know the blessings set apart to those who are no more two, but one flesh, in the love shown one to another, in the respect of the sacred marital vow, and in the reverence to the Lord God the Creator who said: "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." (Gen.2:18).
"Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord.
For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God." (1 Cor. 11: 11,12).
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." (Gen. 2:24). "Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." (Eph. 5:33).
Go and enjoy your life together as a couple, and be a good example; for so doing, you glorifiy your Father in heaven, and testify the love of our Savior and LORD Jesus Christ.